The last few weeks I’ve been thinking about my dad’s socks.
Not just any socks.
I have been thinking about his ugly, itchy, gray “I <3 Dad” socks. When my brother and I were little, Mom let us pick out a gift for him, so we got him these horrible socks for Father’s Day and he was still wearing them in my late teens or possibly even into my 20s. I folded laundry, so I know they weren’t comfortable socks, either. He wore them just because we gave them to him, and he loved us.
Dad has been gone almost 9 years now and today is his birthday. He would have been 69. Most days I just live life; I think about Dad, but my thoughts don’t interfere with daily life. Some days though, I really miss him. At times, things can be pretty lonely without him. Bugs ‘n Plugs said that I am an “Island of Stability in the Sea of Chaos that surrounds” me. I’m honored and touched that he views me that way and it’s become something of a joke in our house when my ADHD Army does something to ruffle my feathers. But sometimes… it’s lonely. Dad was another Island of Stability in the family dynamic and now it’s just me. At least, it feels that way sometimes.
Growing up, it was very clear that I was Dad’s kid, and my brother was Mom’s kid, even down to the blood types! Dad and I were quiet, driven, fastidious, and responsible. Mom and my brother were more free-spirited, flexible, spontaneous, and gregarious. When Dad needed help with a project around the house, I liked to be around to be his helper. When we would get something from the drive thru or get take-out, Dad and I would go pick it up. I ran a lot of errands with Dad.
So, now I’m thinking about his socks. He wore those itchy gray socks year after year just because he loved us. He passed up an opportunity to apply to the astronaut training program because he loved us. He retired earlier than he had to so we wouldn’t have to move after we started high school. He drove us to music lessons. He helped us with homework. He helped us research colleges. He pointed out things that we would think were interesting in the newspaper. He saved the comics page for us. He went without so we wouldn’t have to. And, he wore his “I <3 Dad” socks. All just because he loved us.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about how the Armed Forces Medley can be difficult for me sometimes because the Air Force song makes me think of Dad. But, it’s not a bad difficult. I’m glad I had a dad who loved me so much that that song makes me a little sad. I’m grateful that he was such an excellent example of love and sacrifice that thinking of him makes me a little melancholy sometimes. So, on Dad’s birthday, I’m going to think about his socks and about the love and pride with which he wore them, just because he loved us.