Some women are born to be Pinterest moms. Their perfectly cleaned and organized homes, organic meals, and well-behaved children provide inspiration (even if it is only 30% real). Then there are the Failblog moms. Their disasters, good intentions gone wrong, and Pinterest fails provide laughter. I am in this second category of mom. It might seem, based on what I pin on my neatly-organized Pinterest boards, like I have it all together and I would be one of those first kind of women, but what I pin and what I do are two vastly different things. This was evident a few weeks ago when my plan to surprise The Progeny with a visit from her dogs turned into a disaster of epic proportions.
I got my first opportunity to be a car rider mom several weeks ago when The Progeny’s school went to four days of in-person instruction. That morning, I got her in the car and dropped her off with a kiss and a smile and drove off like I’d been doing it her whole life! Score one for me!
Then, I got a little too bold!
I decided The Progeny would love to be surprised with the dogs when I picked her up that afternoon. In my mind, I could envision her cherubic face alight with the elation of seeing her beloved canines wagging their tails so fast their whole bodies wiggled, and I could hear the happy whines from the dogs as she jumped in the car greeting them. What a beautiful picture I painted for myself. Bugs ‘n Plugs advised against this plan. He was afraid that our younger dog, who is a bit of a wild man, would run away as soon as the car door was opened. Not to worry! I had a plan! I tied him to the seat with his leash! Patting myself on the back for thinking a way around the greatest catastrophe we could imagine, I headed to the school to wait in the car rider line with the dogs, confident that my Pinterest Mom trophy was in the bag!
After our 45 minute long wait in the car rider line (because that’s how early you have to get there if you want to see your child before suppertime), The Progeny jumped in the car and was buckled without incident! Score two for me! Now we were all happily heading home.
And then it happened. A malodorous cloud began to permeate the minivan. At first, we figured our younger dog had gassed us as it’s something he’s wont to do. But the smell lingered in the air even with the windows wide open. This was not a simple gassing. I looked back at a red light and there on the floor in the back was a pile of dog excrement. That is bad enough, but this pile had paw prints in it. That’s right, prints, as in the plural form of the noun print. Both dogs had stepped in it. Now, we live in a small town, so everything is about five minutes away and we were already halfway home. But the remaining two or three minutes to the house felt like an eternity. The mile or two seemed like a trek across the galaxy. And the dogs would not sit still. They were walking all over the van. I don’t like to think they were trying to do it on purpose, but they spread that mess over the car with an efficiency rivaling even the most disciplined military units.
We arrived at home. The Progeny bolted into the house, so I was left alone with two dogs with poop paws and a van full of pungent poop. I put the poopy pups in the backyard to deal with them later. Then, I gathered the appropriate accoutrements to begin the cleaning and I sat in the driveway. I just sat for a while, looking at the car and contemplating the ways I might be able to destroy it and still collect the insurance money for it. What stories could I weave that the insurance company might believe? I just sat in the driveway laughing for a while, the neighbors probably think I’m crazy. Finally, I decided I had to be an adult and actually clean the car… and the dogs. Fortunately, the mess was pretty much contained to the floor and hard surfaces and it wasn’t too hard to clean, and the dogs just required a little foot bath.
In life, poop happens. And when it does, you just have to be an adult and clean it up. Of course, if you’re not trying to be a Pinterest Mom, it doesn’t necessarily have to happen in your car!